Healthy habits—like logging at least seven hours a day quality sleep 30 minutes of exercise every night—and most days—can change our lives. This is science, not exaggeration. Yet a psychologist has warned that Some behavior can stop usLeaving us to constantly play catch-up. We don’t mean toxic productivity where every minute must be optimized, or we’ll never meet an already unattainable goal. rather, some subtle, self-defeating habits We can even destroy our abilities to show up as whole, perfectly imperfect humans.
“Self-defeating habits are behaviors that have become automatic, to the extent that we don’t even think about them.” Dr. Craig Cain, Ph.D.., A licensed psychologist explains parade. “We just do them, and that’s the problem. Repeating self-defeating behaviors without thinking can have seriously negative effects on all areas of our lives: our relationships, our careers, and our physical and emotional health“
He doesn’t say anything from above or below Have some Shame You. Self-defeating habits often have perfectly logical triggers, just as childhood caregivers expected. perfectionAnd evolved over time. They can be difficult to break.
“In neurobiology, there is a saying that ‘neurons that fire together connect together,’ meaning that the brain consolidates a system of neural pathways that are most frequently repeated, thus creating a neural superhighway,” shares Dr. Kane. “Since habits are repeated behaviors, our brain reinforces them every time we repeat them.”
Reinforcement is great when it comes to sticking Mediterranean diet Or put your phone on the bed Two hours before mowing. However, if you have any of these you will want an off-ramp from the neural superhighway Seven Subtle Self-Defeating Habits You Don’t Realize You’re Doing. Dr. Kane also shares tips on how to get into the exit lane and break the self-defeating behaviors that stand in your way. Success.
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7 subtle self-defeating habits, according to a psychologist
Klaus Wedefelt/Getty Images
(Klaus Weidfeldt/Getty Images)
1. Underestimating the time taken to complete a task
Dr. Kane says that humans have a tendency to believe that they can do something faster than they actually can.
“We fail to include all the necessary steps in our estimates, (like) forgetting how long it can take to find parking when meeting a friend for dinner,” he shared. “When we do this once, we are late for dinner. When we do this continuously, we become a person who has a bad habit always late“
2. Trying too hard to do something someone else’s way
We often hear about how adopting an ‘I-way-or-the-highway’ attitude can harm growth. Yet it is still possible to over-improve, and it is better to find a reasonable middle lane instead.
“There’s nothing wrong with asking for help and advice,” says Dr. Kane. “Sometimes this can be very useful, but the way things are done is not ‘one size fits all.’ If we keep wearing shoes that are too small, we get blisters.”
He says it’s also possible to develop “emotional blisters.”
“We feel lousy about ourselves, wondering why we can’t do what others can do,” he explains. “Social media does a lot to reinforce this self-defeating habit. It’s easy to jump from one influencer’s treatment to the next for whatever bothers us, without giving ourselves the space and time to stop and consider what will actually work for us.”
3. Don’t sleep on it
Dr. Cain warns that this subtle, self-defeating habit doesn’t account for the fact that we humans sometimes fall into the trap of responding automatically and behaving impulsively.
Dr. Kane reports, “Behaving this way repeatedly reinforces the behavior until the impulse becomes a habit. Sometimes a quick decision can be very good.” “Often, especially when decisions have significant consequences, not taking the time to consider all the consequences of our reactions can have lasting negative consequences.”
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4. Not writing things down
Dr. Cain explains that memory is difficult.
“There are a lot of things that affect our ability to retain information,” he says. “Sometimes we are perfectly capable of remembering something important. Other times, it is almost impossible.”
Seems logical. The point is that because we remember Some? Things, we convince ourselves that we remember Everything Without writing it down, he notes. That’s why we don’t do this again and again.
He shared, “This habit often results in our inability to remember facts and details that can greatly impact our lives, especially our relationships.”
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5. Avoiding doctors’ (and other important) appointments
You are busy. doctors‘Offices and the possibility of red-flag lab results Scary. Still, it is important to overcome these obstacles and avoid rationalizing self-defeating behaviors. It’s tempting to think, “What I don’t know won’t hurt me,” but that’s simply not the case with your health.
“The result of so many people health issues It depends on early detection, and yet, most of us habitually postpone or delay doctor’s appointments until we absolutely have to go or we feel too guilty to put it off any longer,” Dr. Cain highlights. “This habit is built around the perception of short-term gains at the expense of long-term benefits… but the price of this habit can be very high.”
6. Telling yourself scary stories
Dr. Cain shares that people can write stories. Some are entertaining, but others are horrifying and suicidal.
“Our brains have difficulty distinguishing between fact and fiction, so we end up believing our own scary stories,” he explains. “These are usually about the future and often involve some type of catastrophic thinking, which reinforces the belief that something will go terribly wrong.”
He shares that it’s important to recognize if this behavior is becoming chronic, as it can wear you down over time.
“At first, we may question the validity of these stories, but as we repeat them again and again, they become more familiar, the act of telling ourselves them becomes more habitual, and believing them becomes more compelling,” he says.
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7. Believing we can read other people’s minds
Spoiler alert: It’s not possible.
“If we assume that people are thinking only positively about us, this habit may prove beneficial,” says Dr. Cain. “However, most of us believe that what others think of us is negative. Once this belief becomes firmly established in our psyche, our behavior changes. lack of self esteem. We avoid people. we become socially isolated“
8. Doing too much, it’s okay to do more when there is less
Even high-intensity interval training workouts give you a break from full, maximum efforts. Extend the same courtesy to yourself in other areas of your life.
Dr. Kane admits, “Doing more when there is less desire is not an easy habit to develop, because we live in a society that rewards overachievement.” “But more isn’t always needed. Sometimes even ‘good enough’ will do. A lot of things in our lives are ‘pass/fail’, and working to get an A+ is not a productive use of our time and energy.”
9. You should pay full attention to yourself
Real talk: “Telling ourselves how we should act, what we should do, and what we should do is an extremely self-defeating habit,” explains Dr. Cain. “Nobody likes to be told what to do.”
If you pay attention to this habit, you may not particularly like it.
“The irony is that most of us don’t like it when we become our own critical parents and tell ourselves what to do,” he said. “If we had overly critical parentsIt’s very easy to hear their voices in our heads, telling us what we should have done. The result is usually that we end up in a habitual teenage state, where we walk around irritated and angry at ourselves.”
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3 Tips to Break These Common Habits
1. Create awareness of self-defeating behaviors and patterns
We can’t break habits we don’t know we have inside of us.
“A way to become more Vigilant Keep a journal in which to track and record self-defeating behaviors,” suggests Dr. Kane. ”Over time, patterns will become clear, allowing us to recognize self-defeating habits. If we find it difficult to observe our own behavior patterns, close friends are often only too happy to point them out to us.”
2. pause
Dr. Cain shares that habitual behaviors can begin to feel automatic and impulsive over time, so it’s important to take breaks. He suggests using this moment to (gently) ask yourself, “Am I moving in the desired direction through behaviors that support me?”
“Sometimes pausing a little before doing anything can be enough to stop the cycle of automatic, habitual behavior,” he says. “If we want to take things a step further, we can start regular conscious Practice. With practice, mindfulness can become a healthy habit of its own.”
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3. Create new habits
As you move beyond self-defeating habits, Dr. Cain says you will leave an emptiness inside you. Filling it is an opportunity, though he says people can fall into the pit of developing another self-defeating habit.
“We need to eliminate self-defeating habits and replace them with new ones,” he urges. “One way to do this is to reward new behaviors. To break a self-defeating habit, we need to make sure there is a new, more attractive (reward) waiting for us.”
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This story was originally published by parade On February 20, 2026, where it first appeared life Section. add the parade as one Favorite source by clicking here.
