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“If there is no peace in the minds of individuals, how can there be peace in the world? First establish peace in your own mind.” ~SN Goenka
I have recently completed my third Vipassana meditation course.
There’s a moment at the beginning of the course when you surrender your phone (and get it back at the end). That change feels deeply symbolic. The outside world becomes quiet, not suddenly, but noticeably. And only then do you realize how much stability you are carrying with you.
I never want it back in the end. Never.
Ten days without phone. No books. No journaling. No eye contact. No conversation. No external input at all.
It is a rare kind of devotion in the world that thrives on distraction. Not an escape from life, but a turn towards him-Without buffers, without numbing, without normal exit.
As my third course, I was really curious how it would fare with me this time. I have just gone through one of the most important seasons of my life – a season of shedding, reevaluation, and deep inner reckoning. I wondered if the experience would feel familiar… or completely new.
The structure is always the same. Wake up at 4:00 a.m., meditate from 4:30 a.m. to 9:00 p.m.—about ten hours a day. 6:30 am Breakfast: Simple oats and fruit. Lunch at 11:00 Nutritious, vegetarian and really delicious. Then fasting till the next morning (new students get fruit at tea time; old students do not).
I never felt hungry. An empty stomach is surprisingly conducive to meditation, and when you’re sitting all day, your body doesn’t need much.
Every evening, we watch sermons taught by SN Goenka – a Burmese businessman turned meditation teacher who brought Vipassana to the West and established hundreds of centers around the world. Although it has been more than a decade since he passed away, his voice still guides every path. The instructions, the teachings, the humor—unchanged.
I love its purity. The technology has not been personalized or diluted. It remains universal. Timeless. Unbroken.
What exactly is Vipassana?
Vipassana is an embodied meditation practice based on direct perception.
You move your awareness organically through the physical body, noticing sensations exactly as they are – pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral – without craving what feels good or resisting what feels uncomfortable.
In this way the deepest layer of the mind gets purified. Not by thinking. Through perception.
We are practicing equanimity. Non-response. Peace in the midst of experience.
And this is how we learn not to react in our lives outside the meditation room.
As you sit for long periods of time, the body stops feeling solid. Science tells us that we are made of trillions of subatomic particles, and Vipassana makes this experiential. I knew my hands were folded in my lap, but I couldn’t feel them. At times, my body felt as if it had completely disappeared.
seeing what’s really there
Vipassana doesn’t just show you transcendence.
it shows you Everything.
You get a front row seat to your inner world, with no way to escape. And when there’s nowhere to go, what’s inside comes out – whether you like it or not.
Then there was the shit-troublemaker in me. Very lively.
Nobody smiles. No one makes eye contact. There are rules for everything. silence. Calmness. structure. And the naughty part of me had a field day.
I imagined people in the meditation room shaking their ears. Pushing someone out into the snow. When a woman went for tea, he stole her carrot cake and pretended nothing happened.
This kept me entertained. And strangely… regulated.
There were also long stretches of total distraction.
I wrote a whole book in my mind. Everyone from elementary school remembered – including brothers and sisters. Repeated my entire student-teaching placement. Planned future conversations. Solved problems that didn’t need to be solved.
And then it became even more difficult to see.
My ego, on full display. Greed. Decision. Selfishness. Lack of tolerance.
The things we don’t like to admit live inside us.
But this is the truth I now believe deeply: We cannot change what we refuse to see.
Vipassana doesn’t ask you to fix these parts. It asks you to pay attention to them. Stop pretending they aren’t there. We have to meet them with awareness instead of shame.
And in that looking – steady, non-reactive, honest – something begins to soften.
Why understanding is not enough
We don’t suffer because we don’t understand. we suffer because we Respond.
We respond in craving – wanting more of what feels good, chasing pleasure, craving certainty, comfort, confirmation.
And we react with disgust – resisting what feels uncomfortable, avoiding pain, numbing what we don’t want to feel, becoming hardened to the discomfort.
This constant push and pull – toward what we want and away from what we don’t want – keeps us restless. Excited. There is never complete peace.
The work of the mindset ultimately reaches its breaking point because we are more than our minds.
We have a body. A nervous system. a soul. A lineage. A history embedded in our tissues.
And don’t get me wrong—I like to understand. I am passionate about it. Understanding yourself, others, the world. But understanding has its limits.
Nothing changes just because we are there Know More.
Vipassana teaches something completely different: the middle path. Not oppression. No enjoyment. But presence.
It gives us space. Calmness. Like. An embodied way of practicing not reacting. To experience life as it is, without being swayed by desire or fear.
This is the true essence of peace.
Meeting the Shadow (and the Burper)
The case is this: The woman is sitting directly behind me.
On the first day, I noticed that he had a problem with burping. I thought, this is just today. It was not. For ten days in a row, I had a front row seat to her digestive system – the gurgling sounds, the gas bubbles, the burps during every single sitting.
Obviously, she was uncomfortable. Obviously, his body was struggling.
And yet… my reaction surprised me.
I did not feel the slightest burning sensation. I saw myself suffocating her with a pillow. I wrote vicious mental notes. I felt anger – pure, unfiltered intolerance.
I remember thinking, is he inside me??
At that time there was quiet competition among meditators.
A woman was sitting near me – calm, cool, completely carefree. I made him a saint in my mind. look at him, I thought. So insightful. And here I am, a complete ass.
I’ll sneak a peek (we’re meant to keep our eyes closed). She was looking calm. Untouched. I wished I was like him.
On the tenth day, when the silence was broken and we could finally talk, I asked her how she dealt with it.
She laughed. She was also eating bananas.
I went to the teacher on the eighth day to ask how to work with it. She went on the seventh day.
There’s a strange intimacy that builds when you suffer in silence together. You meditate around those people only. Eat next to them. Share bathrooms and silence and space.
You’ve never spoken—and yet you feel bound.
You feel like you know each other. Because, somehow, you do.
Sitting with pain, learning mortality
Vipassana challenges you.
After each course, I declare that it is the hardest thing I have ever done. And yet, I leave excited, clear, deeply myself — and of course I’ll be back.
It’s not as hard as people assume. No waking up at 4 in the morning. Not silent. Not even fasting.
It’s hard because you sit with yourself. Your idea. Your pain. And don’t turn away.
For seven days, I sat with a dense mass of tension on the right side of my back – in my shoulder, along my ribs, all the way to the base of my rib cage. Is beating. It is hurting. persistent.
The instruction was simple: observe. No stories. No fixing. No opposition.
On the eighth day, the sensation disappeared.
Went.
What once took up so much space disappears with ease. There was space again – space for energy to move, for easy return.
Vipassana teaches impermanence – not as a concept, but as a living truth.
Everything is always changing. Sensibilities awaken. they pass. Frequently.
The pain doesn’t get better. Happiness is not permanent. Nothing remains.
Seeing it experientially changes the way we relate to everything.
Empathic witnessing brings deep healing. Mental and physical pain continues in the body and mind – without analysis, without treatment, without effort.
We are not healing ourselves. We are learning to live.
And in being there—steadily, patiently, without reaction—something deeper opens up.
This is no return
I had to stop calling Vipassana a retreat.
There is no swing. No umbrella drinks. No beach novels. This is a course.
And you come to work.
If you want comfort, this is not it. If you want encroachment without discomfort, this is not right. If you try to set aside your humanity, it will let you down.
And yet, the course is offered for free. Runs entirely on service. Alumni volunteer their time. Donations from those who have benefited keep the centers running. There are more than 250 permanent centers around the world, all run in the same way.
non religious. Non-communal. Universal.
after the silence
The real practice starts after you leave.
You don’t come out enlightened. You come out steady.
I noticed how I connected to pain, desire, and jealousy in different ways. The greed I saw in myself softened me—and moved me toward generosity. Not as an idea, but as an action.
In the weeks that followed, I bought a meal for a person who asked for help – something I had previously avoided. I reorganized a proposal into my work to include a donation to a local food bank. I signed up to volunteer.
Vipassana didn’t make me think too much about these things. This gave them time to do it.
At a family function, I found myself with a person who has inspired me all my life. This time I did not react. I felt more pity. Even love.
No big conversation. No conflict. The ability to be different simply in their presence.
Enlightenment is a worthy goal. I hope we all get there—whether in this lifetime or another.
But perhaps we can also settle for more love, not less. A calm nervous system. A little more space. Slightly less reactivity. A little more kindness towards what arises.
Sometimes peace doesn’t come in the form of fireworks. Sometimes this results in an absence of response.
And from there, everything changes.
About Andrea Tessier
andrea tessier is an author, self-trust coach, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) practitioner who helps ambitious, high-achieving women build self-confidence, release perfectionism, and step into authentic leadership. With over six years of experience blending psychology and spirituality, she guides clients to reconnect with their true self and live with clarity, peace, and wholeness. download it for free Self-Confidence Guide at a Crossroads.
